As I get closer to completing the upcoming book, I am feeling not only a bit stressed and overwhelmed, but down. The past weeks have been a bit wild, I’ve pulled various all nighters as I was in a zone getting a lot done in the book, rewriting, reorganizing, adding and tweaking the sections and what not within. Due to such, I’ve been having crazy dreams and loads of them, very much sometimes effecting me through an entire day or few, in odd ways just because I’d reflect back to them. Such is not exactly new to me, but whenever I am busy with things, my mind consumed with not just thoughts but hopes and/or goals, the anxiety and stress build while the sleep schedule fluctuates, all leading to the crazy dreams.
The night to night, inability to sleep continuously through the night, is nothing new, it is all I know anymore and due to that, I am in bed generally some ~10 hours to achieve maybe ~6 hours of sleep or ~7 on a really good night. I’ve also been finding myself napping almost each day, sometimes for like 3 hours, though I try not to do that, but when I feel like I have no ability to accomplish and/or do anything, besides feel like I’m nodding off or unstable due to excess sleepiness, tiredness and/or lethargy, well a nap is semi refreshing.
Attending the AASM SLEEP 2023 Meeting/Conference in Indianapolis the other weekend was interesting but it also sort of felt discouraging and gross. Honestly, I went to try an get my upcoming book on the radar of some people as well as organizations. Felt like there were some with a bit of interest and some with none/zero interest, really it felt like there were many who are just fueled to be there (dare I say by big pharma) and that’s just what, why and how they do, what they do.
This webpage has been here for some years and I think it’s had near zero traffic, I’ve not been on top of it so that’s entirely on me. At the moment, I’m making some efforts to get some stuff up on it, as I get closer to releasing the upcoming book, I want to have some other stuff, merchandise of sorts at different prices, available. So, I’m thinking on what and how to go about doing that. Perhaps I’ll start with just a page or two, with some $20-$25 photography and/or art prints that people could order, maybe also some ($10) digital image files available also at a cheaper rate. Am also thinking about what sort of items I could come up with, stickers, mugs, postcards, calendars, coffee table photography or art books, etc…
Knowing that patients and/or doctors within the realm of Narcolepsy and/or Sleep Disorders are a super niche target audience, I need to venture out/away from such.
The upcoming book, I don’t intend to sell at a cheap cost either, it has been a long time coming and for me a lot of work has been involved, it feels to me like a lifetime of experience, insight and clarity, expertise that I’ve developed over many many years, and it is packed with powerful art.
Am intending to send around a handful of copies to different non profit organizations, as well as a couple or few doctors; my hope is to receive some forward/s and/or messages of support, which I could include within the book, doing a simple revision adding such.
First I’ll be releasing a hardcover copy of it with large images bleeding to near the edge of the pages, I will price it starting at $100. Some months after releasing the hardcover, I’ll release the paperback at a lower price, perhaps $45-$60, the images will not be as big, no bleed (so there’ll be larger white space, margins on each page).
Am still thinking on, planning towards and hoping to both set up a proper Patreon where people could both help/support me to some extent but also interact with me, as well as I very much want to create videos diving into the Narcolepsy, Cataplexy and Sleep Disorder stuff. So, I’ve got that in the back of my mind, making gradual plans, and steps towards such, as I do (things gradual like). As well as that, I’ve been feeling like with my camera equipment and being that I tend to enjoy such, I’d also like to be available as a photographer/videographer for hire, I definitely have been a hobbyist for years. Perhaps with that, I’ll just end up using what I shoot in some different manner, as mentioned above maybe for postcards, calendars or books.
All of this is me trying to figure out how I can support myself, because as time goes on, I’m getting closer and closer to being in a very bad situation financially, which could be absolutely devastating for me. I’ve been super lucky to have managed to get by this long, I had support but now, I’m nearing an edge and one that is super daunting because well, I’ve never managed to make a living hardly at all, what so ever; this very much is part of what I mentioned at the beginning to the intense dreams I’ve been having recently, I think stress and anxiety is building as I get closer to the edge.
I’m capable of a lot, though I’m not a person with a business oriented mindset and that has been super problematic, it makes me feel like a failure, and incapable, though again I know I’m capable of a lot.
In the past, my ventures have felt like failures, I’m not eager to be out pushing myself on anyone, I feel that I’ve tried that and it hasn’t gone well, so I don’t want to do that, I want to provide satisfying things and/or content to people and be rewarded for such appropriately/accordingly.
So, that’s where I’m at, what I’m trying to do and how I’m trying to do it.
If you’ve come across this, read your way through it and have anything to say, tips or recommendations, words of advice and/or support, please don’t hesitate to reach out, comment, let me know your thoughts and maybe what would be of interest/s to you.
Thanks!
p.s. — The front image is of me digging out the drain pipe for the bowl pictured at the bottom of the page; here’s a sweet video shot and made by friend ‘Andrew Hutchinson,’ during that ‘Homewoods Bowl’ project, way back in ’06:
